


HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOSER

by pianohoe (oopsfuckinghi)



Category: englandish, ethan king, sapphire last name, this is the only time i will ever write hetero u r so welcome
Genre: F/M, enjoy the mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 07:02:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5365805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oopsfuckinghi/pseuds/pianohoe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>lmao if u show this to sapphire tell her hi and that u r taken by me<br/>jk jk im spending more time on this summary than the actual fic<br/>ok so now i have to be serious this will be third person present tense starting from now:</p><p>Sapphire wants to bake Harry Potter themed cookies and Ethan just wants her.<br/>(sorry that was the cheesiest thing ive ever written in my entire life innit)</p>
            </blockquote>





	HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOSER

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ethan my son](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=ethan+my+son).



> ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN HAS REALLY UNNECESSARY NOTES SECTIONS THERES NOTHING FOR ME TO SAY HERE BESIDES ICARLY IS LAME AND IM JUDGING U  
> oh also some of this might be completely wrong bc ive never seen any of u in real life and ive never been in costa coffee or read harry potter so im basically the worst person to write this fic but WHATEVER WE'LL GET THRU IT ENJOY THE FIC  
> PS ETHAN DIDNT TELL ME UR LAST NAME SO I JUST CHANGED IT EVERY TIME LMAO

They're in Costa Coffee when she first mentions it. Ethan watches as Sapphire takes a sip of her coffee, nose wrinkling from the bitterness, before casually inviting Ethan to bake Harry Potter cookies with her.  
"I'm just saying," she begins, tucking her ginger hair behind her ear, "I have to make these Harry Potter cookies by tomorrow and I really need someone to help me. I mean- if you want to, you don't - it's okay if you don't want to go," Sapphire stammers, clutching her coffee mug in her hands.  
Ethan grins, eyes wide and cheeks rosy. "Is this a date, Sapphire Johnson?"  
She rolls her eyes and huffs out, "Shut up, let's go to my house."  
And so they go.  
______________________________________________________________________  
"Okay, so I don't exactly particularly know how to precisely _bake_ cookies, however this recipe looks easy enough." Sapphire busies herself by listing out the ingredients.

  
"Five tablespoons butter, three cups brown sugar, one ounce baking soda, and milk." Ethan takes out each ingredient as fast as he can, making sure not to spill any. "So why exactly are you baking Harry Potter cookies?" Ethan inquires, while setting the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit (idc that this is england ur writer is american and has never heard anyone say they preheat their ovens at 50 degrees Celsius so).

  
Without an ounce of shame, Sapphire proudly replies, "They're for my HPFC meeting tommorow."

  
Ethan pauses from his baking soda pouring to respond, "HPFC meeting?" "Harry Potter Fan Club Meeting." "Of course."

  
Sapphire is just about to explain the importance of capturing each character's soul in the cookie flavor, when a text alert beats her to it.

  
Ethan turns on his phone and read aloud, "Hey bitch it's Rayaan. I brought Jose with me and we are in front of Sapphire's house to help bake the Harry Potter cookies."  
Shocked, he quickly calls Rayaan and stammers, "What?? How did you know that we are even at Sapphire's house baking Harry Potter cookies??? How do you know where Sapphire lives? Why did you bring Jose?"

  
Ethan can practically hear her grin as she simply declares, "Because I'm the author and can do what I want." She cackles slightly maniacally before Ethan hears a knock at the door. Sapphire asks, "Who were you talking to?" Ethan grimaces, hesitant to offer an explanation. He doesn't have to, as Rayaan barges in, yelling, "HE WAS TALKING TO ME, HIS MAIN HOE JUST KIDDING BUT ANYWAY LET'S DO THIS BAKING THING."

  
The author of the story decides to write the characters to just accept this insane plot twist because she is lazy and needs to pee. And so they bake.

 

 

  
Some time later, Rayaan decides that she should probably introduce Jose to Ethan and Sapphire. "Hi this is Jose, he's my hoe and also he has a porn blog now that we are all well acquainted, let's get back to the plot."

  
Sapphire and Ethan exchange glances and continue baking. The author has now realized that she has to keep up the subplot of two romances now and is groaning in pain. To escape this crushing responsibility, she decides to write out Rayaan and Jose.

  
"Well guys this has been fun but Jose and I need to leave now bye." And then they were gone.  
Without the distraction of Rayaan and Hoe Say, Sapphire and Ethan were now free to talk and properly flirt.

  
"Hey Ethan," "Yeah?" And without further ado, Sapphire dumps a bowl of flour on Ethan's head.

  
Ethans eyes bug out of his skull and glares at the girl with greyish greenish bluish eyes (the pic that was sent to me was kinda blurry). "Oh, so that's how it's going to be?"

  
Sapphire gasps out a laugh as Ethan throws baking soda at her. Caught up in the food fight, neither Ethan nor Sapphire notice the proximity between them growing smaller and smaller.

Finally, their closeness becomes apparent as Ethan's nose touches her nose, and as soon as they are about to kiss, the smoke alarm starts blaring.  
Eyes wide they realize something with a gasp.

  
"The cookies are burning," they say in unison.

  
They frantically try to save the poor Harry Potter cookies to no avail, and just barely prevent a house fire.

  
After the terrifying encounter, they both burst into giggles, sitting on the floor.

  
After some time, Ethan whispers, "I kind of like you." Sapphire whispers back, "I kind of like you, too."

  
And that was that.

  
THE END I GOT BORED HALFWAY AND WROTE MYSELF INTO THE FIC OOPS


End file.
